The writing below is old, very old. Some of it is still true, but there is no Robyn any more. There is no love in my life and no life in me. I would like some life and some reason to exist. That would be very very nice right now. Writing something new about myself is difficult when there is so little good left and so little meaning. I still know a handful of beautiful, amazing people. I do not know what i'm looking for beyond some path to a new life or a way of reversing time and events. Anyone have a large blue box? Love and happiness are always salvagable in TV and film, but for real, they are fragile and easily broken or lost forever.

p.s. If you used to know me, send me a message or e-mail me: fearthecat at hotmail dot com

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I have an odd sense of humor, which you wont get if you're used to typical comedy. I say "random" things, make unexpected sounds, and personify things you wouldnt personify... such as sticks, or washing machines (and I go so far as to give them lives and a family and everything short of an income tax problem). I generally only let my sense of humor show around people I feel comfortable with; outside of the protection of friends I'm much quieter and more shy, less confident, less daring although i'm never that daring even though part of me longs for some fun and danger and adventure.

I make up words too, but they always have meanings if they're a legible word, such as 'flappering', which I would add to Wikipedia if only I weren't so afraid of getting a negative response.

I'm passionate about a lot of things but you'll only see it if you take the time to know me. I've loved cars since I was a baby, and am a serious collector of them. I've spent more money and time getting them and dreaming about their future than getting on with mine, so as a result I have no driving licence yet.

There's a lot I don't have, that I'm desperate to have, but I also know how lucky I am already to have things that I may take for granted or not pay  enough attention to, though i make sure i realise it again, that I have a lot to be thankful for... (this bit is confusing!)

The best part in my life, the best.. in every aspect I could name, is Robyn, my girlfriend. I've written a lot of words about her, and to her, I've laughed with her, cried with her, i've definitely kissed with her.. I've been making more of myself and my life with her, and I want more of it, i want to do more, try for more... she already thinks so highly of me, but there's more I want to give her and with her maybe more is possible... we'll see.

My friends are incredibly important, but I often suck at showing that, and making sure they know it. I dont talk much on MSN and i don't come here as often as I used to... That needs to change or I'll lose some good people. I think you need a lot of patience to be friends with me, because I'm slow at doing things, or not productive enough to do them at all, and I can be quiet for a long time..

However, I talk to Robyn almost constantly =) I dont text her as much these days, which feels odd, but when I'm working I hope I'll find time and money to do it more often. Recieving a text message from a loved one is just one of those little ways of them reaching into your day and making it a lil brighter.

I drink a lot of coffee, which I regret, but still do it anyway... even when it's bad / decaf coffee which I detest (who wouldnt detest bad coffee? "mmm, this tastes like crap! i'm coming here again.". I look forward to opening a coffee shop of my own one day, though it wont just specialise in coffee, so I'm not sure how to refer to it when i release my aspirations verbally, do i say "the coffee shop, that also serves milkshakes and sandwiches and other food", so I just say "the coffee shop..." or when speaking to Robyn, "OUR coffee shop..." - because, i want to share everything good with her, because she makes a hell of a lot more possible than I thought... still, if only I weren't so lazy.

I think it's laziness... that keeps me from making the dreams I have and even the more simple longings come true. I dont have a job, and would love one, but hate looking and hate applying.. It's rare that I hand in an application form, it seems part of me defeats the rest before I can get very far.

There's more to me than what I've written here, so much more... and not everyone sees it, but I suppose that makes it more special when certain people do. To my friends, I love you. Time to go now, to the one I more than love. My arms need to be around her.

Thanks for reading