ProfileHeaven -> Women -> Made In Blackburn

My boys

12th Jul 2007 8:46 PM

Men and shopping shouldnt mix

20th Jun 2007 6:55 PM

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or
boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in
Oxford :

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty
Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you
and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his
antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by
our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor
gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,
he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the
Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the
antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toiletpaper in here."

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

14th Mar 2007 9:44 PM

Yes my profile is better than yours...
Steal it and you will die
You laugh because im different...
I laugh because your all the same

Why am i here????
Cause sadly when my parents discovered the joys of sex they didnt discover the joys of contraception

Blackburn.. Home of a shit football team and of course me

Btw the next person thats daft enough to ask where im from will be bitch slapped!

Blondeness is my thing!

I'm down to earth but my blonde lil mind is in the clouds.Im normally calm and collective until some twats tries to pull a head fuck. I state my opinion good or bad, like it or not, I have to its Shell Law. I'm not afraid to speak my mind, but most days its blank so dont worry. Im a tomboy who likes glitter and all things girlie, god gave me tits for a reason. My personality is my own, it just depends when you catch me as to which you get. I'm pretty easy to talk to and get along with unless you support the Bastard Rovers. Hurt, piss off or get on the tits of my Munchkin only if your sick of breathing. My attitude is do to others as you'd want done to yourself, so to all the lil pricks who sent a message saying they wanna fuck me save me the hormones and go fuck yourself. Your opinion means nothing to me i got through 29 years without it. 95% of what i say is tongue in cheek but if i do care you'll know it.Dont ask me for pics, steal them like everyone else. Ask for my msn if you enjoy being told to fuck off

I'm just me, its all I can be. I wont pretend to be bi-sexual. I wont cut myself up for attention and i wont bother with you if your that way inclined. If you have a legitmate problem then ofcourse i sympathise but the best thing you can do is find the inner strength to help yourself. Lifes too short and too many others will hurt you as you go along - dont help them!

I dont think i have the right to judge anyone but rating is the point of this site. You get either a 10 or whatever you rate me. So to all those that moan when ive rated the same back can frankly kiss my ass. Simple really you be nice and so will i - you try to pull a headfuck and its game on. I havent got the time, patience or the inclination to bother with twats - cept for him! For obvious reasons

Btw as being told to fuck off tends to offend, the only thing you'll get from me are rates or messages. I won't send you pics. I wont give my msn and i sure as hell wont cam for you.Go buy porn and save me the hassle I have enough hormones of my own to deal with without having to deal with yours too. Oh and to the smartasses who call me a milf - yes weve all seen American Pie and its kinda gettin old now.
I wont add you to my msn - cant be fecked with i
And I sure as hell wont give you my mobile number

Get it? - Got it ? Good

Trying to walk in my shoes won't work

Its like borrowing my bra .....

You'll need a whole lot of luck

and a hell of alot of tissues

Its a Leo thing!!!!
You either get me or you wont
You either care or you dont
But he does so
excuse me if I dont give a fuck about the rest of ya

You can be my something....
But he'll always be my everything

Give points a good home and donate
Thank ya muchly

Lets all take the piss out of Bastard Fans

22nd Feb 2007 9:21 PM

Have it ya fuckers

and yes Ricky that includes you

Happy Birthday Ricky

19th Feb 2007 12:00 AM

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday Dear Hubby

Happy Birthday to you

Loved up

21st Jan 2007 12:32 AM

Merry Christmas Fookers

11th Dec 2006 8:27 PM

Dingle Bells,Dingle Bells
Dingle all the way..
Oh what fun it is to kick
a Rovers fan per day

Merry Christmas Everyone

All i want for xmas is a cough cough cough
and a smile on your face - git
Your loved STILL

x Shell x

How to make a profile like mine

8th Nov 2006 11:27 AM

You will need
1. An in form Melons ( btw if we hit your profile 2gether prepare yourself)
2. People to shut the fook up whilst you get it done
3. Patience - tho i didnt quite manage this one
4. A sense of humour - try ebay maybe you can buy one!
5. Animations and added extra's which have been randomly saved for months
6. Friends who dont mind being taken the piss out of
7. 1 Duck-Fucker, 1 Kermit shagger , 1 Mad net hubby and one Munchkin (see above)
8. More time than you intended it to take
9. The ability to sweet talk sum1 into making you a header that matches
10. A photobucket account that has more pages than the bible

Instructions
1. Get out of the sarcastic side of the bed
2. Get bored of your previous profile and delete the lot
3. Sit there for an hour wondering why the hell you just did that
4. Grab Mel and cry "omfg i just fucked up"
5. Send Mel searching for random animations that take the piss out of the chosen few
6. Add the digs to keep the nutjobs at bay
7. Ignore everyone thats messages you till its done
8. Kick the ones that ask you to do their profiles
9. Swear blind your never gonna re-do it again
10. Read through the bloody thing at least 100 times and correct the bugger over and over

Conclusion
You will want to smash your computer - resist the urge
and you end up with
One kick ass profile that hopefully makes people laugh

The End!

Happy Birthday Callum-Lee

26th Oct 2006 11:22 AM

<--- From this
To this --->

Thanks to Hels,Bluexx,Melons and xxemmie89xx
for making pics for his birthday pic folder
Your all stars xxx
Mel more than others - obviously

Thanks for the reminder that i shud invest in waterproof mascara
and no matter what im still here when needed!

So true!

3rd Sep 2006 3:14 PM

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you

The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head

The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave a rate, pic comment or message
After the beep!

The roses are moulding, the violets are rotten
And I might hit you back, if I haven't forgotten

x M x

Total Blog entries: 15