just trying this for research purposes...
Leo Sayer Will Not Be Saved Says London Doctor
Leo Sayer, the pint sized singing star of the seventies and the eighties that followed it will not be saved or treated should Sayer ever require medical assistance, so says a London hospital. In an unprovoked statement head surgeon Dr. Gordon Giddies said that should the 'Long Tall Glasses' star ever need treatment it would be a waste of precious resources and no hospital in the land would, or should bother.
Big haired Sayer who last hit the charts in 1972 with the 1976 hit You Make Me Feel Like Dancing, commented that he didn't understand the decision but admitted that he had no knowledge of medicine and that the doctors know best. Adding that his role was just to entertain the World with a song, not to make life or death decisions.
Dr. Giddies first became well known after a failed 96 second battle to save the life of family entertainer and Irish Sea shipping hazard, Bernard Manning in spite of pleas from friends and family.
From HRN daily podcast; http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=260515390&s=143444
Sayer proves there's life in the dog yet.
I heard radio presenter James O'Brien this week question the relevance of horses in modern warfare after seeing a troop of The Kings Troop Royal Horse Artillery towing cannons on their way back to stables in St. John's Wood.
The place of the modern horse in 21st century warfare should not be under estimated. Horses are required to fight enemy horses hoof to hoof and many are now on reserve for the current conflicts in Iraq and
British Army horses have not seen action since 1982 when the Argentinean Navy mistakenly sent a battalion of 300 seahorses to hold the strategic stronghold of
Secret documents declassified in 2001 reveal that the Mexican Navy had initiated an experimental programme to train donkeys to swim underwater and plant explosives on US submarines. Naturally the donkeys took to wearing scuba gear well though military scientists had overcome initial problems of getting the leading carrot to sink and this delayed the project by almost two years. After nearly six years of experimentation government funding was eventually withdrawn and the project was scrapped as the donkeys hooves (and general lack of dexterity due to not having any fingers) failed to grip the bombs and it was deemed that donkeys will not again be used in underwater warfare (though a deliberate omit in the documentation does indicate that the Mexican's may continue to use donkey's for underwater intelligence gathering purposes).
In 1958 a group of 120 demobbed horses from the Bolivian army revolted and created an autonomous state complete with its own parliament. Disillusioned with the way that they were treated after years of devoted service to the armed forces (many were veterans of the controversial 1949 'Mule Uprising' of San Domingo when 21 mules were killed indiscriminately by exploding sugar cubes) General ChuChu, a long maned chestnut brown stallion led the rebels, took control of a field and an adjacent shed for seven months before the unpopular President of the time sent in a troop of 'black operatives' to take back the lost territory. All the horses captured were not seen again and it is believed that they were tortured and killed by PC3, Bolivia's secret horse police.
Not all demobbed horse soldiers go on to such a grim end. Three British Army horses have gone on to have successful careers in racing (Gilders Lathe, Pipkin and Corbett's Apple of Truth), three have become 3 Day Event Champions including the great Olympic double gold medallist Western Guilt and one has even become a star in Hollywood, the former US Special Forces Horsetrooper, Sarah Jessica Parker. Several also went on to feed 1988's Cruft's Dog Show Overall Winner, Gilbert's Arse of Winter.
Horses in the battlefield are one thing, but the reviled and brutal sport of bare hoof horsefighting is still not illegal in the
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Read my book What I Did In Cuba and then criticise, OK?
What's in my headphones this week...
I've been listening to the 'new' Beatles album, 'Love'. And it is amazing. I never grew up a fan of the Fab Four (actually there was a time, daft as it seems now when I deeply disliked them) but as I get older I realise more and more that the coincidental occurence of three genuises and a drummer colliding in small pop group is a happening that could make me believe in God and drop to my knees to thank him dearly. Or her.
What's great about this album is that you know all these songs, but given the 2006 remix treatment you discover how so much better they all are than just about everything that's been released since. I was too young to be there at the time, but no wonder they were the biggest thing ever.
The clarity of Lennon's voice on 'A Day of the Life' is astounding. It drills right through your brain... "He blew his mind out in a car..." I was sitting on the train but it did the same to me. On the escalator going up to the exit of The Angel tube station the final string crescendo built and built. And then just as I put my ticket in the exit barrier the last note sounded and resonated all the way out of the station and across the Upper Street to the other side of the road. Ten minutes earlier if you asked me what the best record ever made was I might say Booty's Rubber Band's 'Bootzilla' (every time I hear it I hear something new). But with The Angel station now over my shoulder, I had a new favourite. I wonder though whether the 2006 treatment will date it in 5 to 10 years time.
Whether it was a result of global warming, a nuclear reaction in a local sushi restaurant or lots of hairdryers being tested all at once and being pointed exactly the same direction, we will never forget the Great London Tornado of 2006.
I myself saw a crisp packet blowing down the street and later I swear I heard a door slam just a couple of hours later. Obviously a result of what will be come to be known as TGLT2006.
Plucky Londoners who lived through three World wars and twenty years of Eastenders showed the sterling spirit that made them famous as the ninety-two second twister tore almost, but quite the entire length on one whole street destroying a wall and a bit of a house.
Local youths lined patiently to show off their Ali G impersonations to visibly aroused BBC reporters and tell of the horror they very nearly almost witnessed.
One brave pensioner unable to enter her house muttered incoheriently but still made more sense than the blond kid on the news "oo's mate got a bitta slate near 'is eye, innit doh."
Vladimir Putin denied any responsibility though it is understood that the woman who's wall fell down is a QPR supporter and had earlier in the week made a defamatory comment about Russian owned Chelsea Football Club. A spokesman for the Russian premier commented that, "It is not my place to smite people. Only God smites and if He smited this crazy old bitch because of what she said about Chelski, then that was his choice to smite her. We work in less obvious ways."
Well, well after several billion dollars and more than 650,000* people dead, our glorious leaders have decided that they're not winning the war. Well how about that.
Curiously it was only the entire rest of the World that knew that this war was not only unjust, but unwinnable half a decade ago. All the experts with the intel reports and experience had no idea. Only after five years of war (more than the US spent in the Second World War) have they noticed that them damn unappreciative I-raqi's don't like their kids being killed while being mistaken for WMD's.
Well done DubbaYa. You've ruined a perfectly good country and now embarrassed its people too. And as for you, Phoney Blair, please learn to say, "I was wrong", in French and German.
Government bigwigs and their highly paid consultants have announced a plan to save the planet (Earth).
The solution of the an extensive and expensive report concludes that a 'mileage tax' will be able to track citizens in their motors with satellite technology and computer fandagery adn charge per mile. Added to that drivers of gas guzzlers will be charged more as the 'guzzle' more 'gas'.
*Fact: UK motorists pay 64p in every £1 in fuel tax already.
And apparently the British govenment spends £13bn a year on consultants (that's £13,000,000,000!).
Consultants like the ones who put together this particular report and didn't notice that we already pay somethng called petrol tax. That's right, a tax that we pay more of with every mile we drive. Plus, if drive an uneconomical car, you pay more. Is this just because they are complete cunts? Or perhaps whichever company supplies the electronic wizardry (that you're paying for my little submissive friend) has a friend of a friend on the advisory board.
Apperently all the cash raised from this successful pay as you drive scheme will contribute toward the public transport network. Heard that before? When London Mayor 'Krazy' Ken Livingstone said the same thing a few years before launching London's Congestion Charging scheme there were some who believed him. Namely all those that voted him for a second term. LCC was expected to make £200m a year. It made £98m just before they turned the screws on Mum's and van dirvers and raised the tax from £5 a day to £8 (that'll be a banana republic like inflation busting 60%!). This year it'll make £120m which is not even close to washing the face of the £1.1bn the London bus network deficit. The buses incidientally made £100k profit in 1998 before 'Looney' Livingston got hands useless hands on the wheel.
The notion of course of tracking drivers as an environmental solution is not only flawed, but laughable. We've already got it, but without the ability for them to know exactly what you're up to at any time of day.
Perhaps an easier way to save cash would be stop engaging in expensive five year conflicts that we can't win. Or at least invade countries that we can win against. Like say Belgium. Or Burma which makes Saddam's human rights record look like a mercy mission. But that's never going to happen because Shell and Exxon have no use for rubber..
Everyone has a Guilty Pleasure, right? I heard this somewhere the other day and I think it could be mine. Looking at the video it's clearly so naff it's cool. 100% cheese.
Great pop song though.
Remember that episode of The Office where they get management training? Well, Microsoft have asked Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant to produce a video for them, and here it is. Office fans delight - BRENT IS BACK!
Office Values Part 1.
And here's Part 2.