soundwave

Ouch!]

Tonsilitus sucks!!!! Read more...

Late Friday joke]

A woman, quietly sitting at home one afternoon, hears a knock at the front door. She goes to the door and opens it, a man standing there asks her, "Do you have a vagina?"
The woman slams the door in disbelief at what the strange man had just asked her. The same thing happens for three consecutive days, so the woman decides she better tell her husband about this man. Her husband becomes outraged and says, "Tomorrow I am not going to work. If the man comes back and asks if you have a vagina, say yes, I will be hiding behind the door."
The next day the man comes back and knocks on the front door. She opens the door, and when he asks if she has a vagina, she says "Yes".
The man says to the woman, "Then will you please tell your husband to stop f*cking my wife" Read more...

Friday joke]

An elderly Italian man who lived in the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession.

He said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son and you have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people together under those circumstances are greatly tempted to act that way. But if you! are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."

"Thank you Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."

"And what is that?" said the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?" Read more...

Friday fun!]

Read more...

Friday joke]

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight
up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled
over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny
husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love
to her.


Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat,
he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife
pouring coffee.

"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked.
"We were just making love!"

"Oh my God, " his wife gasped, "That's
my mother up there!
She came over early and had complained of having a headache.
I told her to lie down for awhile."

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom.
"Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why
didn't you say something?"

The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken
to that jerk for fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!" Read more...

Quick Friday joke]

BEAR says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."

Lion says: "If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."

Says the chicken: "Big deal, I only have to cough and the entire planet sh**s itself." Read more...

Friday joke]

Miss Bea, the church organist was in her 80's and had never married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her, and she showed him into her quaint little sitting room, then invited him to have a seat while she went to make some tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. Floating in the water was a condom.

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and it's strange floating ornament, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh yes, isn't it wonderful?" she said, "I was walking in the park a few months ago and found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spreading of disease."

"And do you know what?" She continued, " I haven't had a cold all winter." Read more...

Friday joke]

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be
confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes
of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"F*** off!" said the grumpy old lady. "I haven't got any money" and she
proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his
foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he
said.

"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he
emptied a bucket of horse sh*t all over her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse sh*t
from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a f***ing good appetite, because
the electricity was cut off this morning!! Read more...

Friday joke]

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

"OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens? Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

"Darn.....third gay rooster I bought this month."? Read more...

Test for Dementia]

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer
them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?


Let's find out just how clever you really are....


Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)


First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

---

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!



Try not to screw up next time.

Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?




Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

---

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?









Third Question:

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.







Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30.
Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?

---

Did you get 5000?



The correct answer is actually 4100.







If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!

Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
....Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

---

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!



Okay, now the bonus round:



A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

---

He just has to open his mouth and ask..
It's really very simple....







KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE! Read more...

Slinky]

Had a wicked night at Slinky on friday with Armin Van Buuren. Anyone else make it? I know some of you did!! Recovered yet? hehe
I'll listen to his set from Trance Energy 2006 later - that's gotta be good! Read more...

Decks at last!]

Well the weekend is over and what a weekend! Totally crazy and I didnt even go out! Nights in drinking with your housemates can be better than a night out on the town!

And then top it off by finally getting some decks sunday afternoon to fill the gap after my old housemate moved out and took his with him.

Hold on to your headphones people..! Read more...

Friday joke]

A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come dressed as different emotions e.g. fear, happiness etc. On the night of the party, the doorbell goes, and the host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick. They are standing stark naked one with his knob in a bowl of custard, and the other with his knob stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says,
"Well, what the heck are you doing? You could get arrested standing out there in the street like that- but anyway what emotion are you two supposed to be?!?!" Paddy replies, "Well, Oim foikn discustard, and Mick here has just come in despair!!!!"
Read more...

It's the weekend!]

Come on! So who has got cool plans for tonight? Looks like it could be another crazy one for the Kimberley Krew!
Read more...